heatwaves

i spent the three summer months in the sun...frolicking.

i've frolicked away my three months twice before, actually.

Frolick Case #1: The summer before my freshman year of college i went to the inner harbour on a blazin hot day with my best girlfriend. as we're walking around, she recognizes two guys from her former high school. my eyes landed on the brown, chunky one with a short fade. his, on the awkwardly cute, braces-sportin me. i'd successfully completed my coming of age, right-of-passage, attitude-changing introduction to black history, so we chatted about Huey P. Newton, Assata Shakur, and "The Man." He told me about a new guy he'd heard recently named Kanye West. told me I should check him out. I think i said I'd heard of him before. that summer, we hit up burger king, the movies, and the mall.

at the end of the summer, he dumped me. at his going away/high school graduation cookout, i told him i loved him, even tho i knew it wasn't true. the next afternoon, he called me while i was at work, manning the phone for an echoey half-empty retirement home for nuns. he told me that he wasn't interested in seeing me anymore b/c he was goin off to college where the women would be flowing, along with the beer. he also added: "I don't like girls who fart. You have no poise."


Frolicking Case #2: The spring of freshman year, I'm waiting in line to participate in one of those psychology studies where they give you $10 bucks for filling out some random survey. he stood standing against the wall. grey sweatpants, black Timbs, and a long sleeve, black shirt. long and lean. my heart exploded. from then on, i kept an eye out for him on campus, putting a little extra effort in my appearance just in case i got a sweet surprise. saw him one day during our campus-wide spring festival, walking w/ a friend of mine. that day i pulled my friend aside, and asked him to put in a good word for me. a few days later, i'd given him my number, and down the yellow brick road we strolled. that summer i stayed out waaaaaaay past my curfew. pushed buttons, put my heart out on the line, and got my hands dirty.

those days turned into three and ahalf years.

aside from the hurt, heartache, anguish, headaches, girl-you-need-to-leave-him-alones, low self-esteem and self worth, stubbornness, neediness, and mindlessness he ushered me into young womanhood. showed me everything i needed to see about myself. helped me to recognize an elevated level of thinking and being. through (despite?) the miscommunication i sought and achieved clarity. the glass may not be crystal clear, but i'm on my way. and for that, I thank him.


Frolick Case#3: almost a full year after being youthful in the big city, i decided to take a walk one saturday afternoon. visited a section of the city that i'd never explored. union square. browsed the different stands of t-shirts, photography, paintings, and odd and ends. bought a pin to put on my jacket. i kept along the path, and stopped to flip through some guy's crate lined with prints of graffiti shots. my eye caught the glimpse of a mahogany brown dread, skin sprinkled with gold. i smiled, he smiled back. going off of instinct, vibes, and a warm spring day, we ended up perched on bar stools. exchanging life stories, glories, and dreams. as the sun peaced-out, we walked to the train, gave him my number, and went our separate ways. i crossed my fingers that he'd call.

for three months, mahogany brown dread consumed me. never before had all my senses been engaged. he met me half way. "two peas in a pod," he said. and with that, he gave our feelings a home. created a warm environment for growth, yet gave me enough space to be myself. his mystery and generosity excited me and i felt the urge to romp in his energy 24/7.

you know how people always say, "when you're looking for love, you'll never find it. as soon as you let go and love yourself, here it comes knocking on your door." well, that summer, after i finally released the king-fu grip i had on Frolicking Case #2, my heart began to flutter, and it hasn't stopped since...